Should You be Friends or Friendly with a Ex? [Video]

Dear Diamond Girls,

A member in my private online community, iHeartLoveAcademy asked a great question about upcoming travel plans that were already booked with an Ex who walked away 4 weeks ago. She is working her way through the ABCs to Get Him Back course, and noted that I suggest you avoid being a “surrogate girlfriend” or friend to a man, if you wish to rebuild.

“I don’t want to him to see me as just a friend.”

Rebuilding with a man & using Feminine Energy is about WARMTH, so I can understand how this feels confusing. How do you rebuild if you don’t spend time together?

I encourage a woman be warm to any man, especially in which she desires a relationship, be that a dependable friend or an Ex you want to explore more with.

A man will always remember your authentic warmth and how it made him feel. It’s to your benefit to have an army of “100 Men” who are willing to protect, serve or pursue you. A woman can never have too many good men in her life. (For those with a program of mine, check out my “100 Men” meditation tool in the VIP Library.)

Warmth is something you cannot practice enough for the above reason, but it also expands your ability for empathy and finding what you truly feel in your body. Yet for those who take things I say to the extreme, if you don’t want a person in your life, cut off the warmth, and use my script, “You’ve been great company, but we just aren’t a match.”

Any positive communication with an Ex is an opportunity for reconnecting. The key is frequency. You must not over give, or have expectations.

You do not want to be his text buddy while he sorts out his heart. A man must miss you to pursue and rebuild with you. This is about quality time, not quantity. (See video for more!) A man who wants more with you will increase his frequency of visits and communication – he may lag for up to two weeks, then pursue again. This is why I suggest you give things around 3 months to unfold and keep on Quantum Dating.

Friendship is not to be used so he can figure out IF he wants to pursue you. Unless you are under the age of 18 (a child), if a man wants more with you, he will pursue you. He will not keep you as a long-term pal unless he is comfortable with pal status only. If you are worried about ending a friendship because you may lose your chances at a real relationship, you are giving to get, and need to draw a line in the sand with your true feelings versus potential. Friendship is a great disguise for men who are commitment-phobic.

Men can also keep women as friends, often even exes, because they genuinely enjoy our company. Also, any man knows at some low moment, a woman may break down and sleep with him, so why not keep women close by? This is why your boundaries trump all. You have the power here ultimately.

If you are rebuilding with an Ex, treat time with him like a first date, and stave off sleeping with an Ex until there is commitment on the table. Keep yourself out of the friend zone by limiting rebuilding to around 3 months, and do not be available for him to reach out when he needs your comforting. He must miss you.

I encouraged my group member to use the following tips to rebuild:

1. Be warm – during your time together, do not criticize, warn, or suggest. Just be open and warm, allowing the man to get back into his role as provider.
2. Know your boundaries – warmth is not about being sexual, giving to get, or being a doormat.
3. Peel your energy off the man – create space, or an invitation of energy around yourself for the man to pursue. Keep your life rich and full!
4. Limit how much you give – I don’t suggest you abruptly cut a conversation off, but let him lead and make sure you are not oversharing or speaking to keep things going.
5. Watch out for jealousy & control – if he’s on his phone, or notices another woman, remember he doesn’t owe you anything. Focus on the things you can control, which means choosing your thoughts carefully.
6. Don’t work on the relationship – do not under any circumstances work on or replay past events. If he brings up the past, just listen and nod. Let him do the talking. You can use, “Mm hmm, ” and “Okay” as you listen, and if he asks your opinion about a past matter you can say, “I’m still feeling my way through,” if unsure about responding.
7. If the man tells you that he wants to start over, or keep seeing you, let him know that would “feel lovely,” and you are, “excited to see how things unfold.” This means regular dating! Be sure you have the ABCs program!
8. Next, simply continue being warm and open. Allow the man to pursue you and make regular dates until frequency increases. At some point you can ask him, “Where do you see us going?” Usually a man who is intent on rebuilding will let you know his feelings, and you won’t even need to ask.

Often men don’t know how to rebuild & begin dating you again. A man may invite you out for what feels like a platonic lunch, but if it looks like you two spending time together, it’s a date.

I have launched my private coaching community, iHeartLoveAcademy. It’s on a private network and available on iPhone and Android apps, plus computers.

You can join in on classes, group chat, receive coaching, offer advice and learn more about opportunities such as my iHeartCoachingAcademy, a way to immerse yourself in my Feminine Energy teachings and become an Everheart Certified Coach!

I hope to see you in my private group, which is exclusive, secure and happily away from Facebook and Instagram!