You may have noticed that some couples seem effortlessly happy and committed. On the outside, they appear to have no struggles at all.
Some people seem to walk right into a committed relationship and rarely face loneliness, the perils of online dating or commitment obstacles.
Then there are people like me. The men I liked didn’t connect with me, and the guys who wanted me, I felt “flat” about.
Then, when I was in a decent relationship, my critical and controlling side would surface, often driving my partner away.
My relationship strategy was a loop of resentment, withdrawal and faking my emotions to make it work. Even now, it’s an ongoing practice to bridge my feminine energy and commitment to others, and to myself.
Commitment takes heart and work.
This means using equal parts Masculine and Feminine Energy.
No matter your relationship status, I’m going to share three secrets of commitment that will get you closer and more connected to the person you desire. The bonus behind this work is that you’ll also feel more grounded in your self and notice improvements with ALL of your relationships.
1. ORGANIC CONNECTION. It cannot be faked, but it can be fostered.
How do you go about building connection with a person? The fastest, surest route is via shared vulnerability. When you’re authentic and willing to show a person your true sweet self, your icky fears and heart-centered stories, you become a luscious man-magnet.
We’ve all been in the presence of someone who is warm, open and nonjudgmental. It feels so good to be loved and accepted, does it not?
Feminine Energy is an open, honest and warm energy that men are drawn to. Just do not oversell these traits in an attempt to force connection. That won’t work.
Here’s how you can build connection.
👉 One of the best ways to connect with someone and exercise your Feminine Energy tools is by having a little adventure-date together. Experience something together that’s new for you both — like an online art class — and mention how the experience feels to you.
Or, explore the outdoors and go for a hike. Let your masculine energy partner lead and keep your chatting to a minimum. Practice giving him some silence, so he can be the one to open up. You just listen and practice following. This is simply an exercise and practice for you. Remember to stay positive and go into these adventures with your heart open, as sincere connection as your intention.
2. KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS & DITCH PERFECTIONISM.
It’s perfectly OK to disagree, argue and experience relationship letdowns. Expanding and contracting is part of the human experience. We all feel frustration, sadness and fear. We are all imperfect and can behave in ways that don’t best serve the relationship.
And yet, we can still love deeply.
Healthy couples move through challenges and continue growing together, learning along the way. When you let go of shame, criticism and perfectionism, your relationship has the freedom to repair itself naturally.
Here’s how you heal.
👉 You can grow in a healthy direction by making a list of all the triggers that come up in your dating or relationship life. Once you have that list, look at each item and ask: what is the loving thing for me, and the loving thing for him, in this situation? Relive those moments. How would you respond with empathy, warmth and love for BOTH of you?
I want you to write down your best response to each trigger and visualize having an effortless response. Preparation is how your inner boy can help your inner girl relax into her soft, receiving feminine energy instead of flipping the script and staying in disruptive patterns.
3. Be ready to work.
Commitment requires making a promise to yourself and the man. Even when you’re on a yawn-producing date or going through a relationship lull, commit to the process and be present. Use your FEMM tools and be open to what you may learn.
Make work fun.
When you’re truly committed, you not only seek out how to improve the relationship, but how to explore having more fun. This can mean initiating something enjoyable for your inner girl, that the two of you can enjoy as well.
👉 It can be as simple as dancing to music in the kitchen while you prep for dinner. Other times, notice if your husband or boyfriend is wanting to have a little fun. Follow him curiously and enjoy the experience together. You might just fall in love with that crime podcast he’s been listening to, or connect with his career on a new level.
Having curiosity and supporting his interests is vital in balancing masculine and feminine energies. Don’t forget to create your own rich life as well. Even if a man seems uninterested in your hobbies, he is watching from afar and relishing in your delight.
FACT: MEN ENJOY WATCHING A WOMAN EXPERIENCE JOY.
IF YOU SHARE WITH HIM VERBALLY, INCLUDE HOW THE EVENT FELT/FEELS IN YOUR BODY.
EXAMPLE: “I felt so connected gardening today. The wind was blowing my hair and dress, and it felt fun to dig in the dirt. I felt in my heart, that all my plants were smiling and appreciating me.”
In “500 Ways” e-book & 2-Day Video Class, you can learn how you can speak in a way that connects to a man’s heart, so he really hears you and listens.
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