I will never forget the feeling.
In my 20s, I briefly dated a man I was absolutely gaga for. I felt we had tremendous chemistry. After two whirlwind dates, he’d promised he’d call me, yet weeks had gone by without a peep.
I checked my phone and answering machine hourly, as if my life depended on it. I even had a friend call and hang up on the guy to make sure his phone worked.
I cried and cried as to why this man would not call me or see me again.
I replayed each date in my mind. I reviewed every word I’d said to him. I scrutinized my beauty, dress size and education.
Not only that, but I blamed myself for whatever reason he was not calling me for another date.
So, I did what any Masculine Energy woman would do.
I decided to do his work for him.
I called and left a total of three messages over 2-weeks time. I even planned each call out on my calendar to allow a ‘sane’ amount of time in between.
Somewhere during the third message, I realized I was acting like a desperate, crazy person.
As I left that final message, I realized I felt more angry than actually wanting to date him again.
“F-him!” I thought. “If he doesn’t know I’m amazing, and he has to hide and say ‘I’ll call ya’ instead of having the balls to say ‘we aren’t a match,’ I don’t want that coward!”
Once I let go of the outcome, I was free to grow and get stable, calm clarity.
But that was not the last time I became more focused on WINNING and the outcome, instead of finding and processing what I really felt. This is the dynamic work of balancing masculine and feminine energy.
Being outcome oriented with a man/dating/relationship is an indication you’re living from a masculine energy mindset.
Feminine Energy frees you from specific outcomes and disappointment in your relationships. Instead, you get to see every situation, date or man as an opportunity to expand, grow and learn.
It’s ok to want things to work out, but more than your will, you want what is good and right for you.
How can you attract the right man? How can you best solve relationship issues?
What if you gave yourself permission to lean back from your man/dating/relationship expectations and observe how you are growing and changing?
Are you representing your best and truest self?
What is this man or situation teaching you?
Can you feel that you want a specific outcome and yet release it at the same time?
How does your body respond? How does your higher self respond to the situation? Do you get locked in sadness? If so, how is being sad things don’t go your way keeping you stuck?
What does a healthy relationship look and feel like to you? Check to see if that’s your current reality and if your emotion match with that.
Keep asking yourself these questions as you observe both masculine and feminine energy inside you.
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Years later, I happened to see this man on a local television interview…
As I watched him speak, I saw a glimpse of the charisma I had fallen so hard for. But I also noticed other things. He had a flamboyant way of gesturing and didn’t sound especially masculine when he spoke. It was a huge turn-off.
In retrospect, I’ve very glad this man didn’t keep his word and call me.
This event, albeit emotional and confusing to me at the time, allowed me to see past the transparency of words and deeper into myself. I became keenly aware that I got attached to the potential of a relationship working out, instead of asking myself, ‘Is this really my dream relationship?’
Keep asking yourself good questions.