It can feel scary when a man suddenly needs space or acts distant.
In my latest YouTube video, If he leaves you, I shared some powerful tips on rebuilding with a man, starting with your own lovely self.
With many of my coaching clients, our Inner Boy or Masculine Energy takes over and wants to manage a man, ESPECIALLY when he asks for space or gets distant.
I must admit, this was a big issue for me. My Inner Boy wanted to swoop in and solve whatever was going on and put my counselling training to use. I sincerely meant well, but yes, I had motives and a desired outcome.
I wanted things back to ‘normal’ with my guy, including cuddles, love and time together. I did not understand the VALUE in ‘separation desire’ which is the opposite of ‘separation anxiety.’
My man changed overnight when I leaned back.
Even though I was extremely scared to allow him space and have radio silence between us, I knew me inching forward only pushed him away.
We were just dating at the time and my first night without his call, cuddles or time together left me crying in the shower and feeling abandoned. I decided to care for myself with a hair treatment mask, and treat myself to a good scrub and moisturizer.
The next day, I decided to turn my phone off completely. I must admit, at first I was panicked to do so, but I soon found freedom in not checking in and being tethered.
That same night, I read an article on how, “No One Owes You Anything.” I was immediately triggered!
Of course everyone owes everyone kindness, love, support, words of affirmation and knowing my darn love language!
Bad news, no they don’t. I was triggered all over!
Someone owing us something is also known as expectation. Expectation leads to frustration. Expectation is about control.
Yet, to my surprise, letting go and leaning back worked! My vibe shifted immediately, and things began to turn around for me quickly.
I let go of being treated a certain way that I deemed ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’ This doesn’t mean I forgo MY BOUNDARIES.
I decided if I didn’t hear back in 24 hours, I was single and back to dating my guy and others too. I had my script prepared. I’d let him know as a courtesy, but I was not waiting on any man.
Limbo felt like solitary confinement, and solitary confinement is inhumane.
With practice, I got acclimated to having some space from my guy. At first it was simple because reuniting felt so good!
DID YOU KNOW: Men chemically need time from a woman to recharge their testosterone? Also, guys can get grumpy and introverted at times. Men need the feelings of freedom and some silence.
Women however like to feel safe and guarded in a relationship.
The more comfortable I got with my world and my life, the more my man wanted to be around me.
I made sure we had time when I was silent, so he could have space to speak.
I made plans with my friends and family to give him breaks to recharge.
I developed my life and personality away from a relationship. He was keenly interested.
I praised the good in our relationship and nitpicked for perfection less.
All of these things led to my, Happily Every After.
Learn more by watching my NEW video and if you’re ready to go deeper with my Answer Cards, you can find them here.
May you have much success with your time + space and reap all the wonderful benefits that come with Feminine Energy!