It can feel scary when a man suddenly pulls away, needs space, or acts distant.
What should you do when a man pulls away? Before you search for “shocking things to do when a man pulls away” or “three texts to get him back,” hold on to your dignity! Consider your own physical and emotional needs first. You may wonder, “Why is he pulling away?” instead of pausing to notice how you feel. You may think you have an anxious attachment style, when in fact you are having a perfectly normal response. Trust me for a moment, and here’s how this works: when he pulls away, you turn the tables.
Once you learn these powerful Feminine Energy tools, a man pulling away will never affect you the same way again. And the energy shift I’m teaching you here is precisely what makes him stop.
How do I know whether he needs space or has lost interest?
Let’s start with your sensing abilities. I’m going to ask you what no other coach takes the time to ask: What are you feeling? Aside from feeling scared, nervous, or suspicious, what do you really feel in your gut?
Close your eyes for a moment, take a few deep, calming breaths, place your hand on your heart, and ask: why is he pulling away from me?
Deep down, you have a sense of why he is pulling away. Often, it’s the panic of being apart, and the worry about how to act when he comes back, that is ruling the lovely, amazing you. Let’s get your power back now.
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It shows you how to get the proposal, the ring, and the happily ever after.
Why is he pulling away?
If you have a sense of why he is pulling away (or even if you don’t), ask yourself this: “Do I really have any power over this man? Do I want to do all the work in this relationship so he chooses me?”
Most women say no. What you do want is for the man you love and care about to show up consistently. This is what gives every relationship a sense of safety, love, and predictability. When a man pulls away, it naturally activates anxiety.
Recognize that his behavior is affecting you because you are giving him your power.
Is he punishing you by pulling away?
Punishment is often about how long the space lasts and when. When a man retreats after an argument or after you ask for clarity, understand what is happening: he is either punishing you or taking time to process.
Silence is his weapon if it lasts more than a few hours (a day max) in a committed relationship. Silence should be a rare occurance not a weekly, monthly tool he uses.
Every resentment he stores away becomes ammunition for the next withdrawal. His strategy sadly carries the seeds of its own failure. A relationship built on silent retaliation cannot survive for long, and the man who does this knows, on some level, that he is losing ground.
Your counter move is simple and devastating: refuse to be punished. Do not chase, plead, or match his coldness with your own. Stay warm, calm, and entirely unbothered, then turn your attention back to your own life. A punishment only works when it causes pain. Deny him that reaction, and his silence becomes a room he sits in alone.
What to do when he pulls away?
You now have a sense of why he is pulling away (or not), that you have no control over him, and that his behavior is affecting you in a natural way that can make a woman lose herself, lose her stability, and second-guess her every word and move.
While there is always something to learn from any event in life, you are not here to beat yourself up or blame yourself in any way.
(The Real) 5 Shocking Things to Do When He Pulls Away
When he pulls away, your Feminine Energy is your greatest power. Here is exactly what a high value woman does instead of chasing.
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Calm Yourself
A mind going in desperate circles is attractive to no one. Breathe. Slow your racing thoughts. Go for a walk. Remember who you were before you met this man. Count your gratitudes. Pray. Help someone in need or give back. Get back to the lovely, amazing you. (Don’t skip this step!)
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Tap Your Heart and Send Him Love
You love and care about this person, so don’t send anxiety and worry his way; that won’t help him. Feel all the love you have for this person in your heart, then, with a tap of your hand from your heart, send that love to him. Do this several times a day.
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Get Clarity Within Twenty-Four Hours
If you are in a committed, exclusive relationship, don’t let more than twenty-four hours go by without getting clarity. This is where most women lose their power: they lean back and suffer in waiting while the man learns he can retreat anytime with no consequences. Send him this text:
“It’s been twenty-four hours since we’ve spoken. I’m unsure whether we’re still in a committed relationship.”
(If he breaks up with you, let him. He was going to do this anyway.)
If he asks for more time, let him know:
“I honor your need for a little space. But weeks apart isn’t how adults solve problems. Let’s work through this together, calmly and lovingly. How can we come together on this?”
If you’re just dating, you can send a simple text:
“…?”
It’s a light way of saying, “Hi, I’ve missed connecting.” Then leave it at that.
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Get Back to Your Life
Do the things you love: start a new blog or the book you’ve always wanted to write, take a dance class, go roller-skating, pick a closet or drawer and clear out the old, unwanted things, call someone you love and just listen, sit in nature, or color or paint. Let your inner girl feel peace away from a man.
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Be Willing to Walk Away
This is the step most women never take, and it’s the one that changes everything. A man commits to the woman he knows he could lose. If he won’t come together with you, let him go with grace:
“I care about you deeply, but I desire a man who is sure about me. I’m willing to work on things, yet silence and space isn’t solving anything.”
You’re not punishing him, you are getting CLARITY. You’re choosing yourself. And the woman who chooses herself is the woman who gets chosen.
He came back after pulling away. How do I respond without falling into the same pattern?
This is the moment that decides everything. When he returns, it’s tempting to rush back into closeness, smooth things over, and pretend the distance never happened. But if nothing changes, the pattern repeats, and he learns he can retreat whenever he likes.
In my new book, CHOSEN: 6 Laws of Walking Away, I show you not only how to take space with grace, but how long to give things to unfold and how to tell whether he’s truly moving toward commitment. You’ll know exactly how to welcome him back while keeping your power, so you’re never left waiting in limbo again.
Psst. I also want to share my new book, CHOSEN.
It shows you how to get the proposal, the ring, and the happily ever after.
How much space should you give him, and how long should you wait?
That’s where my new book, CHOSEN, can help. You’ll learn how to create space with Feminine Energy, express what you want, and recognize whether he is truly moving toward commitment. You deserve clarity about your future, Diamond Girl.
With many of my coaching clients, our Inner Boy or Masculine Energy takes over and wants to manage a man, ESPECIALLY when he asks for space or gets distant.
I admit, this was a big issue for me. My Inner Boy wanted to swoop in and solve whatever was going on and put my counseling training to use.
I wanted things back to ‘normal’ with my guy, including cuddles, love and time together. I did not understand the VALUE in ‘separation desire’ which is the opposite of ‘separation anxiety.’
And yes, I coined that term, ‘separation desire.’ 🙂
Separation Desire is a natural need for Autonomy it isn’t a man Pulling Away
You’ve got to know the difference on this one.
For men, autonomy allows them to think and process their feelings.
Women need to talk their feelings out in most cases.
Can you see the Feminine & Masculine clash here? Men need space to THINK and women need someone to share their FEELINGS.
DID YOU KNOW: Men chemically need time away from a woman to recharge their testosterone? Also, guys can get grumpy and introverted at times. Men need feelings of freedom and some silence to “feel like the man” again.
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My dear friend and coach Helena Hart has an amazing podcast episode where we discuss Accidentally Pushing a Man Away.
You can follow Helena Hart’s “Master Your Magnetism” podcast on Spotify or on Apple Podcasts.
When you lean back, you get much-needed clarity.
Years ago, I was dating a man who I felt could be the “one.” Yet he often acted aloof and could be the classic “hot and cold” type of man. I never felt secure for very long, and it felt awful.
Even though I was extremely scared to honor his need for space and have radio silence between us, I knew that inching forward only pushed him away.
I knew in my heart that I did not want to pursue a man to get love or attention.
I felt so vulnerable that first night, leaning back and not texting him to check in.
My first night without his call, cuddles, or time together left me crying in the shower and feeling abandoned.
I decided to care for my Diamond Girl self with a hair treatment mask, body scrub, and moisturizer. I went to bed feeling a new connection with myself.
The next day, instead of checking my phone every other minute, I turned my phone off completely for three hours. At first, I was panicked to do so, but I soon found freedom in not checking in and being tethered. I didn’t do this to punish the man. I did this to gain my freedom and learn to SUPPORT MYSELF emotionally.
To my surprise, letting go and leaning back worked in an amazing self-growth way!
My vibe shifted into feelings of freedom and confidence. Things in life began to turn around for me quickly. New opportunities opened up, and I returned to my healthy routine.
I felt good about myself instead of having feelings of being set aside, and I stopped obsessing over a man who was not available.
I let go of trying to control the relationship. This doesn’t mean forgoing MY BOUNDARIES or core relationship values. In fact, I was taking care of ME, which is a primary Feminine Energy value.
Four days dragged past with no sign of this man I had been regularly dating. I worried: Had Leaning Back pushed him away, or was this his passive way of breaking up with me?
The waiting and limbo had felt like solitary confinement, and solitary confinement is inhumane.
So I decided to no longer punish myself for the man’s actions or inaction.
I decided if I didn’t hear back in twenty-four hours, I was single and back to Quantum Dating others. I had my script prepared to send to Mr. Hot & Cold.
I sent the following text: “Hello, I miss connecting with you. I understand you need some time, yet I’m unsure where we stand. Part of dating is learning how to solve conflict. If we aren’t on the same page, I’m going to be moving on.”
I never heard back from this man, and I was fine with that.
Yes, it stung to be rejected, but I was proud of taking ownership of my life instead of living in that awful limbo feeling.
With practice, I got acclimated to enjoying some space from the man in my life. At first it was simple because reuniting felt so good! Then my connection to life outside of my relationship deepened.
In my next relationship, the more comfortable I got with my world and my life, the more my man wanted to be around me.
Interesting how leaning back works! 🙂
Here are a few tools I practice:
I made sure to speak less at times and allow for some silence so my guy could have space to speak.
I made plans with my friends and family to give him breaks to recharge.
I developed my life and personality away from the relationship. He was keenly interested in what I was doing too!
I praised the good in our relationship and nitpicked for perfection less.
All of these things led to my Happily Ever After.
May you have much success with your time + space and reap all the wonderful benefits that come with Feminine Energy!
xoxo,
