Hello Diamond Girls,
I have some solid Feminine Energy rules on apologies.
Masculine Energy can be punishing in its demands to ‘right a wrong.’ It can be one-sided and have ‘all or nothing’ thinking.
Many Powerful Dynamite Women attract men who punish women to ‘even the score,’ due to their own inherent power struggles.
Here are some guidelines so you don’t bow down to an aggressor and lose your power, energy, and vitality.
- Apologize ONCE for any wrongdoing. Confidently draw the line there. State the event, apologize once, and move on.
- If your guy continues to bring up past hurts, you can say, ‘I notice this keeps coming up… I’ve apologized. I’m curious, is there more you need me to do or say?’
- Do not apologize for anything you are confident you didn’t do. No being ‘nice.’
- BLAME phrases he may say, such as, ‘You made me feel terrible!’ can be addressed by offering: I’m so sorry you felt terrible about yourself, that was never my intention.”
- Avoid saying, “I understand,” to a matter you truly do not understand.
- Apologies are not to keep someone tied to your side. Do not apologize out of fear of losing someone. This event WILL repeat itself.
- If an apology ever gets hung over your head, or used as ammunition, do not reply to the comment. Go ‘grey rock’ and give very little attention to the comment. (see #2)
- Never ever apologize for your boundaries!
Women Who Lose Themselves
Not too long ago I had a client who was dating a man who insisted she spend the night and have regular sex with him. She just wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy – so the man got angry and walked away.
She then began to apologize to him for being “unable to open her heart,” and made excuses for her ‘inability’ based on psychology and her past. She explained and defended – another no-no in my humble opinion.
This behavior not only lowers your value as a women, but it serves a revenge-hungry Masculine Energy source an endless buffet of your power as a woman!
I had such an event early on in my relationship with ‘The Artist.’
I was at a hotel with him for the first time, and during an intimate moment, I became uncomfortable. I asked him to stop and wanted to be left alone for a few minutes to process my feelings.
I was on the verge of a panic attack. I wanted to call a girlfriend and talk.
Instead of obliging by my boundary, he yelled at me and accused me of rejecting him at a critical moment. I was frozen. I was about to lose all his love because I couldn’t handle him being on top of me.
So I submitted myself to him.
It felt wrong, yet I felt trapped. On one level, I felt I was being raped, despite my consent. As tears ran down my cheeks, I willfully lost my power to him. I had never felt so confused.
When I finally got home after our weekend away, I remember feeling such a relief to see my husband (we were separated) and our pet family. He greeted me cheerfully and immediately caught on to that something was wrong. Instead of accepting his love, I defended ‘the Artist’ and blamed myself.
How I wish I would have listened to my heart and not my fears. If I could go back, I would have stayed home and worked things out. In comparison to ‘the Artist’ my at the time husband was a dream guy.
Even if I would have opted to be single for a bit longer, it would have been better than subjugating myself to his victim mindset and abuse.
I may have been alone but my identity and values would be intact.
In my group iHeartLoveAcademy I now help women get into alignment with their Core Relationship Values and boundaries. Together, we face fears and feelings of abandonment and find our self worth and identity.
This is a roadmap to your TRUE SELF.
There are no shortcuts and you are not to endure abuse or crumbs to gain a man’s love.
If you need support and a caring ear, join me and my 5 coaches for weekly classes, Q&A and more at iHeartLoveAcademy!
Check out my Feminine Energy Micro-Habits Post here!
Thank you for reading! Please share this with someone who needs support.
If you have any questions, simply reply to this email.
xoxo,
Adrienne
