This isn’t your ordinary “how to get over him” guide, where you’re told he’s “not worth it” or preached to about how you should instead savor your solo time. This tool digs deep inside your monkey brain where all the action takes place and unwinds thoughts at their root.
Remember: mastering anything is 20% action and 80% psychological.
Here’s the 20% you will need to reclaim your life and thoughts…
Things you will need:
We’ve ALL mentally been there… Thoughts of a man swim around and around in your head. You lose sleep, become unable to eat, or eat frantically… You can’t concentrate at work or school…
Your mind anxiously chews and chews: Why he hasn’t called back? What’s going on in his life?
Your mind plays out the next conversation you will have with him. Or worse, you berate yourself for all the things you did “wrong” in the relationship, doubting yourself and growing more insecure.
It’s exhausting! It makes for an anxious mind and body which is unhealthy.
And the more time you expend thinking about him, the further you get from your own life. The amazing things about you that made him fall in love with you all begin to vanish when you spend your energy thinking about him, instead of yourself.
You can fix this, turn it all around and reclaim your life, thoughts and sanity.
But first, you need to accept how this all works… (don’t skip this part!)
Accept that your brain is a master problem-solving machine… and most of the time this works for you. It makes you pay bills on time, balance your finances, decides against the Jimmy Choo shoes, and opts for a cheaper brand instead.
Accept that your brain deftly remembers the things that cause pain, and it also takes good note of the things that give you pleasure. In short, your brain keeps you alive and happy, and fearful or cautious of things you’ve identified as pain.
So when a man you love, or one you really want to be with disappears on you, treats you badly or goes back on his word, it causes you a lot of PAIN. Your brain gets the flashing red signal of PAIN and begins to work on solving the problem – so that you will no longer be in pain.
Your brain will work non-stop trying to figure out matters of the heart.
Yet your brain cannot solve emotional problems.
This is where the brain and heart clash.
Rori Raye, my coach and mentor, says, “The only time to think about a man is when he is right in front of you.” This way your energy stays with you and not all over him. This shift in your vibe will not only feel better to you, it is also your best chance of having him return to you, text and call again, and love you again.
Men want to be in relationships with women who have their own lives, are secure, and not obsessive.
So here is how you can turn off those thoughts, lean back, and give the man the room he needs to move towards you…
This takes some effort and a little practice but is worth the investment. After all, you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about him — don’t you deserve the same, and a little peace?
Stop Unwanted Thoughts Tool:
I suggest you read through this tool, memorize the process as best you can, then practice it for yourself.
Find some time where you are alone and the house is quiet. Once you master this tool you can find a variation and do it anywhere, but for now allow yourself to become quiet, and take a few deep breaths.
Allow yourself to become curious, and simply see what happens when doing this tool.
Stand in front of the sink, and place three items of focus nearby. Turn on the faucet to a slow dribble of water… Or fill a large container of water that you can use to pour. (This tool can also be done by a running stream if one is nearby.)
Think about your man… what is the first thought that comes up? Take it one thought at a time. This might take practice at first, to not jumble your thoughts, but untangle it all into one thought…
Here’s an example: “Why doesn’t he love me anymore? I gave him all of my heart. Why wasn’t that enough?”
Start with: “Why doesn’t he love me anymore?” (the first thought)… First, generously thank your brain for this thought. After all, it’s working hard to solve this pain you are feeling…
“Thank you for that thought, brain.” Then pull the thought out word by word , from the top of your head…
Now, what do the words and letters look like? Is it a string of block letters? Are they neon red or cursive font? See each word before you… Then notice the words are becoming magnetized and are attracted to water… See that the words are pulled right into the flow of the water faucet, one letter at a time, and watch the words go down the drain…
Go to the next thought that pops up about your man…
What thought comes up? “Why isn’t he calling me back?!”
Again pull the words out from the top of your head… see each letter and word as your creative mind decides, and allow each word to stick to the water and travel down the drain.
Your brain may begin to jump into the future, or revisit the past… notice this is happening, hopping from the past to the future, and gently guide yourself back to present moment, and see the water moving the words you were thinking down the drain.
Do this with three to five thoughts…
Keep the faucet running, yet turn your attention to you items of focus… You will spend 17 seconds with the first item of your choice.
Let’s imagine your first item is a red rose. Spend what feels like 17 seconds focusing on this beautiful flower in a positive, feel-good way.
You can say: I see a beautiful red rose, with a waxy green stem. The stem looks strong, the rose petals are red and soft, like velvet, the thorns are tiny but look sharp… roses are so beautiful, roses makes me feel good to look at. Roses smell sweet.
If you find your man has popped back into your thoughts during the 17 seconds, go back to the faucet, and pull the words out – let them quickly go down the drain and then return your focus to your second item.
If you use a photo of a pet, look deep into your pet’s eyes, see all the love and happiness they want to share with you. Dig up as many good feelings as you can for 17 seconds.
Repeat this process one more time…
To recap: you want to let 3-5 thoughts flow down the drain. Then focus on 3 of your items for 17 seconds each, in a feel-good and positive way. If you get interrupted by thoughts of your man, go back to the faucet, and quickly let the thoughts go down the drain, and begin the 17 seconds of feel-good thoughts again.
When you are away from home you can experiment with finding other ways for unwanted thoughts to leave you… let them blow out your window as you drive down the road, and then focus for 17 seconds on whatever is around you…You can be thankful you have transportation, that you are living in a time where everyone you know can get where they need to be…
By finding 17 seconds of feeling-better thoughts, you will retrain your brain to release the thoughts you don’t want and focus instead on what feels good.
Please use the comments section and let me know how this tool worked for you, or how you found other ways to retrain your brain away from obsessive emotional thinking and into the ever-so-beautiful present.
Much love always,
I designed this tool with the help of three amazing teachers: Dr.Stephen Hayes, who wrote, How to Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, Esther Hicks, who wrote The Teachings of Abraham, and of course Rori Raye, my amazing mentor and master coach.