Heartbreak does not discriminate. It makes no difference whether you are the dumper or the dumped. Being separated from someone you love hurts like jamming your elbow, getting a tetanus shot, stubbing your toe, and chewing on tinfoil all at once.
Heartbreak is timeless. The darkness and despair of losing someone you love has been around as long as there have been red beating hearts to be broken. You are with a long history of brokenhearted brothers and sisters – know that they survived the pain, and so will you.
Heartbreak is part of life. All relationships eventually end. Even a happily married couple eventually part ways in death.
Heartbreak is the proof of how much you cared.
Now, put down that quart of ice cream, change out of your sweatpants, and do this one trick that will instantly begin to seal the breaks in your heart.
Why did you break up?
I can assure you it was something you did or said to your partner. This is no reason to beat yourself up! It could have been a really difficult time in your life, and your partner may have judged you, and lacked compassion.
We ultimately need partners who have compassion for our flaws and can endure the difficult times. We need partners who are flexible, forgiving, and ready for love.
But for some people, once they get turned off by a behavior or words – it’s over, and welcome to Dumpsville, population You.
This can be reversed however, but more on that later…
No matter the reason for the split, here is what you can do to get your power back, switch off heartbreak, and most importantly – feel better.
In my own life, I had dated a man I later separated from, who at date number four showed clear signs of being a passive-aggressive arguer.
Imagine telling someone why you are hurting as they roll their eyes, and let out dismissive “pfttttt” sounds that are a mixture of sarcasm, disapproval, annoyance, and resignation.
I used to feel so unimportant by my ex’s reactions. My feelings were dismissed without a care. I was unimportant, judged, and less than.
Finding this one big disturbance in step one to claiming your freedom from heartbreak.
Find the One Thing your ex did that hurt or bothered you the most and name it, “Memory X” or something even better. Give it an image – their angry face, the pillow you cried into, a snapshot of when/where things went wrong.
Once you have a solid mental image/memory of what your ex did that hurt or bothered you the most, you have the job of reminding yourself of this matter. Don’t worry, you need not dwell on this matter nonstop – you can still think of your ex, and miss them. That is part of recovery.
Understand that when you take time to reflect on the top thing your ex did that troubled or hurt you the most – you begin to be freed from the good thoughts of “what was” and reality takes hold.
Remember, we live and thrive in reality. Not the past, not what was, not the good times.
Your thoughts will naturally gravitate towards warm and wonderful memories with your ex that made you feel good. This is part of your DNA doing what it can to help you pair bond and procreate! This is automatic. Your chemistry wants you to return to your lover and build a family.
Again, don’t worry about turning off your emotions. You will still miss your ex and enjoy thinking about them. After all, this was a person you loved, opened your heart to, shared your hopes, desires, and dreams with.
Start small. You can begin reclaiming your personal power, and overriding chemistry by reminding yourself of “Memory X” about five times a day.
In the mix of thoughts you have about your ex, when you miss them, think of them, or hurt over the loss – insert “Memory X” at least 5 times a day. Be sure to bring up the image of “Memory X”, and let it resonate in your thoughts for several seconds.
For me, this snapshot was an overcast day of grey light filtering through the living room windows, sitting on my boyfriend’s blue sofa. I was in tears because he didn’t want to hear about my suggestion (and good reasoning) to leave a day early for an upcoming trip.
He didn’t care how many miles I was driving at the time nor how tired I was. He didn’t bother to hear me out.
I was crying out of frustration and hurt that the person I loved the most would not even entertain my needs and thoughts. He smugly said to me, “Oh, and don’t you dare fake cry!”
CLICK! “Memory X” is now sitting in my brains personal Instagram!
Recalling this image helped bring me into reality, and accomplish what my brain and DNA could not. As humans, we may not be in control of the automatic thoughts our brains and hormones produce, but it is the second thought, the thought we choose that matters.
If you begin using this method to counter and replace the ideal thoughts of the relationship lost, you will free yourself from the automatic thoughts of chemistry and DNA and free yourself from heartbreak.
You can then choose the life you truly want by being grounded in reality, not the past.
There are some amazing upsides to having your heart broken. You can get your power back, you can improve your life in ways you have never imagined, you can even get your lost love to return. You can start by scheduling a complimentary 30-minute consultation with me. I look forward to speaking with you soon!