If you met your partner prior to your illness, you are now a different person than the woman he married or began dating. Your energy level has changed, you may be in chronic pain, and medication or being physically unable to exercise may have caused weight gain. Your career may be taking a backseat along with the activities and interests that contributed to You, the woman he fell in love with.
Even though illness and side effects are very real, you can still have a love centered relationship that is your healing oasis.
Some of the women I have coached are struggling with cancer, and chronic auto-immune health conditions such as lupus. I have connected with these women because I deal with my own chronic health matters and know firsthand how illness challenges a relationship.
Many women are struggling for their lives, and simultaneously struggling to keep their relationships alive and well. As if illness alone were not enough to wreak havoc in our lives, it also affects our personal lives with others and can begin to drive a wedge between the two.
This struggle only creates more stress and less room for love. The more we, as women, actively DO to make things better, the more struggle we create. It becomes a vicious cycle.
With a few simple steps I can show you how to activate his love again, and change the vibe of the relationship to a softer and caring nature that you both will enjoy.
Here are some helpful tools to reignite your relationship, and keep you on the path to wellness and healing.
Illness shifts the energy between a man and a woman, or masculine and feminine energy. In coaching and on my blog, I often talk about the energy bubble between a man and woman. Masculine energy pursues and moves forward, and feminine energy receives. This is a major key in keeping attraction alive. When this energy gets out of balance, trouble begins.
When you have an illness you may be reaching out to your partner more because you require assistance for your wellbeing. On the same token, your partner may be pursuing you more to care for you and to be there for you. It can go both ways.
If you are reaching out to your man more, you are in your masculine energy and this changes the balance of the relationship. So how can you get your needs met without always leaning towards your partner?
Start with taking note of the conversations you have with your partner. For the next few talks you have with him, practice awareness and just notice the things you gravitate toward discussing. If your health is in a state of crisis, this will of course be an important topic. You certainly need support and communication but too much discussion can overwhelm our partners who are often our primary caregivers. The one with the illness can become further dependent and not seek out other sources for support and understanding as well.
Make some time for conversation that builds intimacy not just problems solving or health discussions. Seek out support from health groups, and if possible find a friend who has a similar struggle as yours and make a pact that each of you can vent to one another or ruminate over worries. Be sure to end each conversation with what you are grateful for each day. This positive energy will flow into your other relationships as well.
Giving yourself additional support will expand your circle of care and allow more room for your husband or boyfriend to pursue you in intimate ways. When you lean back, you allow him to come towards you. It may take a few days for him to catch on that things have changed, but once he does be ready to receive his affection within this new found space.
Care for Your Caregiver
My husband often took me to my doctor’s appointments because at the time, I was too weak to drive. During my monthly check-up, my doctor noticed something about my husband /caregiver that was amiss. Side by side in the lab, we had our blood drawn together as we joked about my doctor’s ability to double her sales that day.
My husband’s cholesterol level and liver enzymes were through the roof. Thankfully my doctor was attentive and aware that caregivers need care too. Since all the attention and focus had been on me, neither of us checked in to make sure he was okay.
I felt guilty that my husband’s health had been neglected in order to maintain care for me. I began to try and do more things for him in this regard. I became actively involved in managing his health, from monitoring his diet to setting his doctor’s appointments. Instead of him being grateful and loving to me for all the care I was giving, he became annoyed and began to avoid me.
The more I did for my husband, the further I pushed him away. My husband was fine with nurturing and caring for me, because he was in his masculine energy of doing. But when I was in my “masculine” energy trying to care for him, it repelled him.
The best care you can give your husband, boyfriend, or caregiver is by building your own independent life outside of them. Think about ways you can invest in yourself, only to better you. This will create space for him to pursue you, and space for him to care for himself.
If you are low on energy but can read, join a book club, help another person learn to read, or start an online support group. The more time you invest in yourself, the more value your man will see in you. The more value you have as a woman, the more he will pursue you.
He is a man and he can take care of himself. If he truly needs help, he will ask. These are words to live by.
In many ways my husband and I developed a strong bond during my time of illness. It was during my time of wellness that we struggled the most. I wish I had the tools I have now, so that I could have saved my marriage. This doesn’t have to happen to you! Sign up for my free eBook, or schedule a complimentary consultation with me so we can turn your situation around fast.