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This blog could also be titled, “I Was in Love With a Man’s Potential”
It Was a Year after the Breakup, and I was (still) in love with the man I fell hard for
during the first year of the relationship.
Not so much the man of the present time.
Q: How Can You Turn Back Time?
There is something you should know about me.
Since I am your Love and Relationship Coach, I might appear perfect, or that I have it all figured out.
But you should know there was a time in my life when I pursued a man I loved like a Total Stress Case Crazy Lady.
This man treated me like crap.
He had sex with me when it was convenient for him.
I spent money I did not have on him, and I pined day and night for him to call, text, or come knocking at my door.
I even tried to “password guess” my way into his Facebook account to see if there was another woman.
I also drove past his house at 1am on a Friday night… a time or two.
So… I’m going to stop right there with the crazy leaning forward behaviors I did all in hopes of winning this mans love.
These behaviors were the effect of not knowing all the tools and secrets I can share with you now… tools that pull a man closer with every word you speak!
I firmly believe the flippant treatment a man can give a woman’s heart can bring on neurosis. He loves you one day and then ignores you the next.
How a person treats you when YOU LOVE that person can cause great happiness or deep distress.
This can bring on behaviors and actions WE as strong, powerful, and smart women would otherwise never consider.
In effect, we cab get TRIGGERED to work HARDER to get and win a man’s love.
The harder we work, the more aloof the man can behave.
This creates a vicious cycle where the woman loses her feminine prowess and gets into her Masculine Energy – which is a major TURN-OFF for the man.
CONFESSION: I spent a year of my life chasing a man all in hopes of Returning Our Love to What it Once Was – circa the first 3-9 months together.
You see, ONCE UPON A TIME he loved me dearly, and seemed to adore the ground I walked on.
Then about 9 months into the relationship, things got rocky…
The Story Continues…
Then one day while I was out of town he called to break things off with me.
The moment I hung up the phone, I remember thinking, “This is temporary and I’m going to get him back. He’s just confused and needs time.”
Well…I was correct in my thinking — but my actions that followed delayed his “sorting out the confusion” and his uninterrupted time alone.
I focused so much on HIM — that I thwarted my Growth Towards Relationship Success and my own Self-Esteem and Self-Worth SUFFERED BIG-TIME.
We got back together quickly, but the relationship felt awful. I was in my boy energy managing everything, always staying several steps ahead of the man. I was exhausted and nervous all the time.
All I Wanted Was the “OLD” Him BACK!
I wanted back the man I lovingly adored for the first 9 months of the relationship.
I wanted back the man I vacationed with, spent all day in bed with, cuddled, planned, adopted a puppy with, and dreamed with.
This is who I was chasing, loving and longing for.
Not the man I had presently. I wanted a man from my past.
The first 3-6 months or so of ALL relationships is where “everything is bliss”.
Relationship Time Travel is what I wanted, and this is what 90% of my coaching clients want as well. To have things back to the way they once were.
I could see the “old” him still flickering behind his eyes. How could I get him (and us) back to the way things once were?
Yet for a year after the first breakup, all I saw was the angry, brooding, snapping man, who seemed to treat me worse each time I saw him.
This wasn’t MY GUY! Where was he?
OH LET ME THINK! Cue my BOY ENERGY into ACTION! I need to help him. I need to turn it around for us. I need to remind him of all the trips, love, food, shows, music… sex! Oh yes, there is my way back into his heart!
FAIL! FAIL! FAIL! SOB! FAIL!
All of this doing/thinking/planning only pushed him farther away.
Each time I saw him he seemed to like me less and have less and less respect for me.
It Was As If He Wanted to See How Low I Would Go!
In my coaching practice I’ve found that even the most well-meaning and sweet, and generous man will push a woman’s boundaries to see how much they can get away with. I don’t believe it is intentional most of the time.
A Man Will Treat YOU However You Let Him.
Why do good men treat GOOD women poorly?
I believe it is instinct. Even a real jerk can treat his mother like a princess. It’s all about boundaries and self-respect… more on that later.
How I Got My Groove Back
The Final Straw was a #Selfie I took of us together – and immediately after I snapped the photo he said, “Don’t tag me… I mean… you can post it, but don’t tag me.”
“Well… um… WHY?” I breathed…
“Because people don’t know we are back together. And honestly, I’m not sure about it either. I don’t want to go public until I am sure about us.”
My heart sank… My mind raced….
What in the heck had I been doing for the past year?
All my work, and planning and making everything just so, and He Isn’t Sure!?!?
I Bravely and Boldly WALKED AWAY
I gave him this SCRIPT: I want a loving, long-lasting relationship with a man that leads to marriage. I’m not looking to be a girlfriend. If we are not on the same page, I am going to move on.
AND SO I DID…
I began dating. I went on some of the worst dates of my life.
Due to this EXTRAORDINARY, LIFE-CHANGING time I developed my NEW MAN MANIFESTO program where you not only call-in the man you desire, but every man that sets foot in front of you is to practice on and learn from.
It’s like the UNIVERSE hand-selects these men JUST FOR YOU to learn from.
It is a REMARKABLE PROCESS and brought about changes in me on a cellular level, changes that years of therapy could not achieve.
THEN…Three Months Later He Came Knocking on My Front Door – To Claim Me.
What had changed?
Well, everything… My vibe, my outlook, my attitude, my energy, my hopes and dreams… there had been a major shift in my life that would otherwise NOT happened if this man didn’t break my heart in two.
The experience you are having with your man, or any man, shows you exactly what you need to see.
I can help you interpret this “message” and more importantly turn your life around so that You are the woman HE is chasing… not the other way around.
This is what I want for you: When You Connect With His Heart in a Special Way, Like No Other Woman Has, No Matter What, He Cannot Walk Away From You.
When you lean back and give him all the time and space he needs, he learns he can trust you, with zero pressure. He feels closer to you than any other woman in his life (except perhaps his Mom!)
When you Learn How To Express Your Authentic Feelings – without expectation, manipulation, force, agendas, DRAMA, or strategy – the Man Connects His Heart to your soft, feeling, feminine nature.
It’s a beautiful thing, and this is what I want for you!
Let me show you how!
A great GIFT you can give to yourself is one of my FEMM tools programs, or New Man Manifesto.
Whatever is going on, can be fixed.
Don’t be like me and spend another year chasing a man and losing your self-esteem and chances for relationship success.
Ask if you are in love with how this man is treating you NOW, or the man you loved in the past. We cannot go back yet being in the moment, accepting the loss of that love yet BOLDLY moving forward is your PRESENT. I encourage you live your life in the now and trust the future. As long as you are hung up on a man from the past, no man will find that appealing. Your vibe is everything. Tap your heart send him love and keep on stepping in the direction of your dreams.
Always in love,
P.S. Whenever I feel low, I listen to this Jill Scott song: https://youtu.be/4QCXr79Rkcw