What Oprah Taught Me about Getting Bumped & 2 Words That Can Change
The local weather report was calling for about two inches of snow, and that might not sound like much, but in beautiful North Carolina the word “snow” is synonymous with “panic.”
People flood the supermarket in search of bread and milk.
As I’m gluten free, and lactose intolerant, I was innocently shopping for coffee and cat food, yet I got caught in the crossfire.
Thankfully, my sturdy Ugg boots saved the skin on my heels and legs that day.
As I was strolling the isles, I suddenly felt a shove from behind that pushed me forward.
I turned around to see what was the matter, and I got caught with another prod of metal at my heels.
A man was behind me mindlessly pushing his cart right into my body. The lower rail of his cart had rammed into me twice – just in the short amount of time it took me to turn around and look.
The instant this all registered, I didn’t hesitate one second to say, “Hey! You are on my heels!”
My first goal was to protect myself.
The interesting thing about this story is that a few years ago, I would have never stood up for myself like this.
I would have kept silent, or worse, I would have APOLOGIZED to the man who was ramming me.
Did you know that according to a 2010 study in the journal Psychological Science, women apologize way more often than men, and women tend to apologize instead of causing a confrontation or standing up for themselves?
Roughly three years prior, I had been flipping through the channels and caught an old episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
A guest speaker was onstage performing a demonstration.
He walked toward Oprah, and then swerved directly into her path, and purposely bumped into the side of her shoulder.
“If this happened to you,” the speaker asked the audience, “what would you say?”
The audience response was filled with women offering, “Oops, sorry! “ or “Oh excuse me.”
So even when a person comes into our space and bumps into us, and it’s not our fault, as women, most of us feel the need to apologize…
Is it any wonder so many women struggle in their relationships with men, apologizing or keeping the peace when he behaves badly?
We take the brunt and keep the peace, keep the family together, yet we are often clueless about how to express our own feelings and boundaries in a way that will help matters.
Is it any wonder that women are the major consumers of antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications?
Instead of feeling our way through, we stuff our feelings down. We then feel depressed and unimportant.
We go from being the nice lady to exploding out of the blue.
Or maybe we become a “Constant Complainer” and gripe about everything that’s wrong, and micromanage and control others…Yet we still don’t feel any better.
This is where knowing what you are feeling is vital, and knowing how to express yourself in a non-dramatic way turns your life around in an instant.
In my coaching practice I learned a tool called “Outside Matches the Inside.” I felt a shift instantly with my mood and body aligning.
If my inside feels scared, hurt, rushed or threatened I no longer wear a false mask.
By liberating feelings inside my panic attacks stopped. I felt so much better all over, and I connected with ME in a way I had not known for years.
This is when I knew becoming a certified relationship coach was my life’s mission! This one tool was SO powerful, I wanted to share it with the world.
I wanted to help women just like me, who were anxious, depressed, alone, and apologizing their way through life.
When you begin to live authentically, and know how to express yourself and leave out all the drama, not only do you feel better, but your relationships instantly improve.
Your man will begin to trust you and your feelings; he won’t run or shut down, hoping to avoid drama. He instead sticks around and loves you all the more for sharing your vulnerable side.
Note: Your feelings are how you pull your man closer and keep him there. Minus the drama 🙂
When I stopped initiating my sentences with an apology, and shifted to expressing my feelings, my man perked up, he listened, it was an instant change from heavy sighs and frustration to a feeling of, “You are an important lady, I love you, and I’m going to listen to you.”
I was finally being treated with the love and importance that I knew I deserved and needed.
That wintry day in the grocery store, when I stood up for myself and let the busy man behind the shopping cart know he was invading my space, well: he only glared back at me in anger.
But he stopped riding on my heels.
No, he didn’t apologize, and he didn’t seem to care about what he had done.
Maybe I was the first woman to ever stand up to him and let him know he was hurting someone?
And even though I didn’tget the response I was hoping or expecting from this man, I know I reinforced the positives within myself to express my feelings.
And all my sisters shopping along with me that day in the grocery store saw it in action too!
Maybe I created my own life-changing Oprah moment for others that day?
Or maybe no one saw or cared.
But I cared… I cared for Me that day, and I will never abandon ‘her’ again.
I was the valuable merchandise in the store that day. Even when that man and his cart didn’t think so, I let him know otherwise.
How many of us can say we walk around knowing and feeling how valuable we are on a daily basis?
Do you have the tools to stand up for yourself, set boundaries, know your worth, and express it all without anger, sarcasm, tears, or yelling?
When you shift from apologizing to expressing your feeling, you will see how good it feels to be vulnerable on the outside and strong on the inside.
Your man will feel this shift too, and this is what pulls his heart to yours for good. It’s a win-win for everyone, and as always it starts and ends with how you feel.
If you need some help navigating through your emotions, don’t wait another second — TREAT YOURSELF to a Love Academy Program or Class.
New Man Manifesto is my MOST thorough program to date, and it can be found here: http://bit.ly/newmanmanifesto