Let’s talk a little about feeling scared with love…
When I was all on my own, heartbroken, away from the man I loved, I was certain the ONLY thing that would make me feel better – was if he returned to me.
When I was in my ten-year marriage (with a wonderful man), I felt I was in constant pain.
Every doubt, insecurity, and pain that was humanly possible to feel… I was feeling it and fighting against it.
I cried weekly. My husband and I fought daily. I took anti-anxiety medicine nightly.
I always felt alone, and lonely – even when he sat next to me on the sofa, gently holding my hand.
As I look back on BOTH those painful times, even though heartbreak and being single felt scary…
I was far more challenged and scared being in a realtionship with a loving and caring man.
I faced way more demons when in a relationship than when alone. 👻
Back when I was married and “so miserable” my focus was on:
(i) What the man was doing wrong.
(ii) What the man was not doing at all.
(iii) and, How the man was not making me happy.
If he was not home on time and didn’t call it meant = He doesn’t love me.
If I found porn on his computer it meant = I am not good enough.
If he wanted alone time it meant = He’s gettign tired of me.
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me…… Always, ALWAYS about me.
Instead of FREEDOM and letting the man be a man, letting him lead, so what if he’s late, let him forget sometimes, let him enter the cave guilt free… I imprisoned him and myself. We both lived in fear like caged animals.
Okay so….Where was my life? Where was my love for myself during this time?
Did I ever focus on anything that was going right, or was I always seeking what was wrong?
Why didn’t therapy work for me back then?
I thought love was supposed to feel good 80% of the time, but Back Then it was me that felt bad 100% of the time.
No relationship could save me form Me.
It took me suffering through and enduring some terrible times, hitting my knees hard on the floor, and eventually divorcing a man I loved to learn how to get it right.
You don’t have to make the same mistakes I did.
Here’s the secret: This work begins and ends with How You Feel.
My greatest fear has been in feeling and accepting how I felt.
When I learned HOW TO: (i) Find my feelings and (ii) Accept them and love myself anyway – the heaviness I had been carrying with me from childhood into adult relationships began to lift instantly.
This is where I want you to be too.
Happy, confident, secure with wonderful, beautiful You, and your feelings…
Then the man arrives! He senses you have your own heart all secure and tied up beautifully in pink ribbons, and he effortlessly falls in love with you…
He won’t be scared this time around.
You’re different and unlike any other woman he’s ever known.
Because he knows you trust your own heart and feelings, and he feels SAFE that he can trust you with his heart too.
It’s okay to feel scared.
Happy Halloween and much love,