I refuse to actually write out that tired old cliché. Please ponder the following:
In this day of rampant technology and online shopping sites with quality replicas, it’s likely you’ve participated in a few of these activities with little or no conscience.
Here’s the harsh reality – if you are living with a man before marriage, (or have failed to set a wedding date if engaged) this creates a space where further commitment can easily be dismissed or avoided – as if it were nothing more than hopping onto your neighbors wifi.
Your value as a precious, sought after woman of high value becomes spoiled by the fact you are giving it all away so freely.
Don’t blame the guy. They are hardwired to be this way. Their goal is to pursue, chase, and claim high-value women to produce top-quality offspring. They are pursing this assignment until death, even if only by fantasizing privately in their thoughts.
Some couples view cohabitation as a trial marriage run. Ironically living together is more of a trial divorce course. According to statistical data most marriages that end in divorce began with cohabitation.
But if you’re reading this blog post, you are most likely deep in cohabitation and worrying that you will forever be a live-in girlfriend/roommate, or a perpetually engaged fiancée.
In my blog and newsletter I share helpful tips, tools, and advice that can turn relationships around, and create strong lasting love. I can absolutely help you get your man to commit, and graduate from just living together status, but before I do any of that, I’m going to share with you what I feel is the Ultimate Bonus Item in the “business of living together”.
Let me begin with a true story about a 42 year-old man I knew. He and his partner were among the super-cool who did not need a piece of paper to declare themselves married. They were tied at the heart and that was good enough for them. At first, many women (and men) are very relaxed about this type of loose agreement, sharing love and building a life together are enough. But things can get complicated and as they typically do, can change on a dime.
The aforementioned guy messed up, had an affair, and was exiled from the home. For 15-years he had worked and contributed to their dream. That means he was in his late 20’s when they first moved in together, and for years now he had contributed to expenses and a mortgage which was only in her name. Did I mention she was a CPA?
In fact much of his finances and free time had gone into building a dream he realized later, was mostly her desires. Bottom line, he walked away homeless, with nothing but a broken heart to show for his invested 15 years.
Even though he cheated, do you think this was a fair deal?
This happens to women too. We trust the man we are with. We assume we know the law, and feel safe having common-law marriage (if it even exists in your state) as a safety-net. We pool our savings together with a man, and share bank accounts. We are blinded by love, become dependent, and are blissfully unaware that things can dissolve quickly.
You can lose your home, your shared savings, and not even have enough money to hire an attorney to fight for you. This nearly happened to a woman I know who was suffering with a chronic health condition. Her fiancé of 4 years came home one evening and announced that things were over, and he could get the District Attorney to “kick her out of the house”. Thankfully, we were able to turn her situation completely around within about one month’s time.
So if you find yourself in an extended live-in situation with a man, where your finances and belongings are mingled – and even though things are going great, the topic of marriage gets skirted and you’re beginning to feel anxious… here are four steps to live by NOW.
I’m here to talk! If you would like to schedule a complimentary 30-minute coaching consultation with me, please use the form on the Contact Page.